This blog is mainly written for people who are looking for their soul partner. In the beginning of 2016, I decided to try online dating for the first time. Before creating an online account I researched for about a month on just online dating itself. the good, bad and (cough,cough) the gross disturbing part of online dating. I watched tons of youtube clips, read blogs and watched TED talks on online dating and finding your soul mate online. I wanted to break the code of online dating. I seriously wanted to tame the wild beast of online dating. I went into it with an open mind and heart yet I was still really nerves about it. I have read and watched everything about online dating. How to attract the right guys on your profile, how to be safe, and how to look for the red flags. All of these tips and tricks really do work however, I’m going to go just a little bit deeper into it and spill the truth about it and my personal tips and views on online dating that some people left out. It is truly possible to find the love of your life on online dating. I’m also going to share with you the sites I used as well. I am not a dating or relationship coach. I am just sharing with you guys my personal views and tips that helped me through my online journey. Enjoy
Tip 1: Be In The Right Mind Set For It
Before you even sign up for online dating, make sure you are in the right mind-set for it. DO NOT do online dating if you are feeling lonely, depressed or afraid to be alone. Please just don’t. You will attract someone who is also depressed, lonely, being completely dependent on you, or they aren’t putting effort into the relationship . It will turn into a cycle of heart breaks. If you are noticing a pattern with your relationships, just stop dating for a while. Sometimes people will find it attractive when they find someone with the same heart break story or they try to be his or her hero and save them but the truth is that if you’re trying to better yourself, heal, and you want to be happy , finding someone equally heart-broken as you is not really the best idea unless you both want to grow and find happiness together then sure. Don’t ever try to save someone and think they are going to change. Usually they don’t. They have to change on their own. You are responsible for your own happiness. If you just got out of a heartbreaking relationship, take a couple of months of just taking care of yourself seriously. You’re going to be ok 🙂 Remember you are not the only person on this planet who has gone through a heart-break. It’s ok to be a little anti relationship for a while. Which leads me to tip #2
Tip 2: Make A List
After taking sometime to emotionally heal from a breakup, you’re feeling pretty damn good, and you have moved on, write down everything you want to the core. The benefits of being alone for a while is finding your passions and trying new hobbies. You might even switch careers. Find what sets your soul on fire and truly makes you happy. Write and set 5 to 10 year goals, make a bucket list, and write your dreams down. Fine a man who will align with your dreams and find it all amazing 🙂 Write down your top priorities and what is an automatic no go for you. On the positive side of you ex girlfriend/boyfriend, you have clarity of what you don’t and definitely do want 🙂 STICK TO THIS LIST PERIOD. I’m not kidding. Do not break your own rules for him or her. He might be a very charming person but if you are not a smoker and he/she is. DONT DO IT. He might be attractive and even has some of the same goals as you. However, if he’s not even trying to stop on his own and still smoking almost a pack a day, Say goodbye. He might have been close but if smoking is definitely a big no for you, then move on. I know it’s hard but break it off kindly.
Tip 3: The Sites I Used
The dating websites that I used was okcupid and match. I didn’t go on any dates with anyone with match. Match I think Is better for people after the age of 40. I was getting old creepy guys wanting to take me on dates and being needy. EW…this was really the only down fall about match. This did not always happen. Most of the profile pictures on match were a lot more appropriate looking then okcupid. I did talk to a lot of good wholesome men on match but most of my time and effort was on okcupid. At least on okcupid, you can answer a couple of question and see what their answer is. Which I really like. Don’t always count on the percentage numbers. My last boyfriend and I had a 75% match compatibility but he didn’t answer enough questions. We ended up dating for 7 months. They are coming out with new dating websites all the time and I’m sure they will get better over time. I’m actually giving one a try now called meetmindful which is all based off of your belief system.
Tip 4: Not Enough Info
Sometime people mess up their questions (which I have done) on okcupid or they decide to troll it and bullshit everything but you can seriously tell by the profile pics and their profile itself how much time they really spent on it whether they are serious about finding a soul mate or not. Talk to them for a while. They will engage if they truly find you interesting or it will die off. What I noticed that even if the guy had some nice profile pictures and not inappropriate ones, If they didn’t write anything on their profile, chances are they aren’t really wanting or looking for commitments( or at least not really taking it to seriously to heart) They probably don’t even know what they are really looking for in a girl. I went on one date with a guy who had appropriate pictures yet nothing on his profile was written. I went on three dates with him. I was usually the one reach out to him instead. I never heard back from him after the third date and he never really engaging anyway. He just wasn’t look for commitment. Then I have my ex boyfriend(7 months) who once again had nice profile pictures but nothing was written on his profile. At first he was on board with marriage and having kids someday. As we dated, I started noticing red flag after red flag coming up until it was too late. The day we broke up, he told me he didn’t even know if he wanted committment or children anymore. I felt lied to and heart-broken by it. The red flags where there and was in the relationship longer then it needed to be. Woman without a doubt will give men chances and are natural nurtures. In the end your going to get screwed and heartbroken if you give to many chances and too much nurturing. Don’t be a doormat. He’s a big boy who doesn’t need his shoes constantly tied. Going back to tip 2. Write your core value and stick to it. Find a man who will adore, encourage, and respect your natural neutering nature and not take advantage, deplete it, emotionally exhausting you, or barley put any effort into the relationship. A big sign he’s afraid or not ready for commitment. A man who is online dating and is serious about finding a lady is going to write more than one or two sentences at least and put a little bit of effort into it. Some guys will write exactly what they want in a woman and will be obvious in his description. Chances are he has written a list too 🙂 He doesn’t need to write his whole life story but just enough to where you’re interested.
Tip 5: Automatic No Go Profiles
When you know exactly what you want, online dating is quite easy to weed through. I am going to tell you right now that about 60% of the guys on online dating sites are looking for hookup, flings, feeling lonely, needy, bull shitting it for lols, or are kind of take it or leave it attitude. Which can be frustrating if you are someone looking for something serious. However, it makes it easy on you to weed through profiles. You have already written down your core value list but write down a list of profiles that will be a no go for you. I’ll show you my list for examples. No shirt bathroom pics, nothing written on profile, nudity pics(fair warning I had some guys send pictures of their genitals on okcupid. Not all the time so don’t let this ruin you or scare you from trying online dating) just sending a message saying hi, are very needy and they keep writing after you said you were not interested, they call you a bitch for not responding, a picture with a bunch of woman, and ex girlfriend cut out of picture. These are just my examples of no goes for me but you can create your own. Just follow your gut. Even if one of his profile pictures feels a little off to you. It usually is.
Tip 6: Be Brave And Don’t Let It Scare You
I promise you that the good guys are on their. I’ve gone on dates with great guys but they just weren’t the ones and that’s ok 🙂 If you are a good girl and want serious, there is a good guy on there that wants serious too. Online dating is just like a bar scenario. Most of the guys truthfully are crazy and drunk but there are a couple of responsible guys at the bar too that are the DD and need to get their buddies home. It might take a little time to find a good guy but he truly is on their and personally from my own experience, I have gone on dates with good men that did want serious relationships and I felt safe with them. However don’t take advantage of this on the first date.
Tip 7: Be Safe
The first date should seriously be either a coffee or the farmers market. Even a double date with friends. Most of the men that are serious on online dating are safe but you still need to keep yourself safe still and set a time for yourself. If the date went well, fantastic!!! Maybe the next date can be movie and dinner. Listen to your gut. If you feel even the slightest doubt about your safety, don’t take it for granted. My mother was always worried about me at first when I started online dating. But after going on a couple dates, she started to relax. And she was always kind of my go to lady to let her know I was meeting someone for a date so she knew I was out. Let someone know your out on a date just for safety and precaution. You might be nerves at first on your first couple of dates but when you know exactly what you want from a man, the nerves feeling truly goes away. I’ve gotten to that point to where I stopped worrying whether he liked me or found my outfit cute to where he better love my dog and personality ❤ And if not say bye-bye.
Tip 8: It May Or May Not Work For You And That’s Ok
That just means that the creator/God/universe/source has a different way of you finding the love of your life. But God knows you’ve been at least trying something. Meditate or pray about it. Ask for guidance and let the answers come. Ask if you should try online dating or ask if there is anything different you need to do in your life to attract the right relationship. Maybe you need to try a hobby, join a local club, or volunteer. A couple of nights ago, I prayed and ask the creator if I should try online dating again or just keep doing what I’m doing? When I let the question go, I received the answer a couple of day later for a new dating website for spiritual people. Just keep living your dreams and setting goals for yourself. Try meetup which is not online dating but instead you meet like-minded people and you do activities together as a group. I have a group called Young And Awakened. If you are in the central Florida area and what to join, here’s the link Young And Awakened. I promise you the relationship is coming one way or another whether it’s online dating or not. Don’t worry about the who, what, when, where, ect. Know your core value and just surrender it to the creator. Watch what happens 🙂