This scared my family haha. I remember the day I told my parents. They where scared for me. Everybody in my family didn’t like it. A lot of heavy energy and anxiety filled the room. I was nervous too. I loved him at least I thought I did. Our relationship was always long distance. We definitely got caught up in the Romeo and Juliette duo. After breaking up with my boyfriend of three years, I jumped into another relationship quick at the age of 19. This guy and I dated for about less than 6 month before he joined the navy. Our love letters were romantic. I always looked forward to them. Our relationship in the beginning was great. We went to the beach, long boarded, drank together, and said cute stupid stuff together. I felt like his special lady. While he was in boot camp, I always made an effort to be engaging with his family and be with them. Our love letter were romantic and beautiful. He wanted to marry me after a whole year of dating. How could I deny. At the time the energy in my house hold was intense. I wanted to go. I couldn’t be around my family anymore. I decided to marry him and move to Virgina(were he was stationed). We did a court-house wedding. I didn’t really care if my family was there or not. A part of me didn’t want them there. I loved them but deep down in my heart, I was scared and didn’t want them to see me getting married. I was pretty much running away from my troubles with a guy I’ve only sent love letters too and only been in his presence for six month. Nothing seemed wrong with him. Our relationship was fine so why was I having a really bad gut feeling about this. He wanted a child later in life and so did I. We wanted steady income and the trust was their. He seemed like husband material. We agreed on a lot of thing….what happened!? On April 2013, we got married at the age of 21 and 20. On January 2016 we divorced. This is my story and my personal tips if you are someone who is thinking about getting married. Doesn’t really matter if young or older. I am not a dating or relationship coach.
Marriage is a beautiful thing. Someday I will get married again when I know 100% to the core that this man is the one who makes my soul sing. Divorce is not an option. After I got married and moved to Virginia, our relationship started to crumble. I felt lonely in my own home. I felt sad most of the time v.s. happiness. I just wanted to go home most of the time. I had panic attacks and depression. I felt like the bad guy most of the time. My husband had no idea what to do. He didn’t understand how to handle someone with depression and anxiety. He saw weakness from someone who cried and showed emotion. He teased me and jokingly laughed at my weak points. He didn’t understand me. The core me and I didn’t understand him either. Sometime the marriage wasn’t all bad. We did have special nights and I do still have good memories from him. However this experience has taught me a lot. If I didn’t go through my marriage, I wouldn’t have become spiritually awakened, known about law of attraction, and have started the Twin Flame journey(which I will write a blog about). During our marriage, I did notice red flags but I didn’t take them seriously and didn’t think much of them. At the time I thought I was christian and stood behind that but the truth was, during that time, religion scared me. A lot of the unknown scared me. I couldn’t even go into movie theaters and watch intense movies I had so much anxiety. I was afraid of being judged and made fun of by my husband. I felt weak in his presence and scared of the world. I was afraid of the world. I grew up afraid of the world. In 2015, he left for deployment. Near the end of 2015 I said I had enough. I put my foot down and had enough. I hated yelling at him, I hated feeling angry and having depression. I was tired of it. I didn’t want to put him through it and myself through it anymore. I felt like a bad guy, I felt like my whole world fell apart. I felt like I failed at love.
During the divorce I started to really dive deep on everything. I released a lantern with all my wishes on it out into the ocean. I was tired of feeling lost and hopeless. I wanted to understand love and be loved.
My wishes started to come true. I was being guided not knowingly about it. I went to the book store at the self-help section. I bought a book on law of attraction. The rest was history. I now know my deep core values, were I stand and what I do and don’t like. I’m not afraid of the world anymore. When I was 19, I knew the basics of what I wanted. I thought I knew, but I really had no idea. Now I know 100% of my core values. If one core value is broken on my list, it’s a no go for me. If you are thinking about marrying someone, really get to the core value of things 100%. Whats your diet? Does he/she eat like you do? Do they respect your eating style? What does he believe in, do you make each other laugh? Are you both investing into the relationship? Can you emotionally and spiritually grown with this person? Does he/she like the beach or animals? Do you feel comfortable and safe with his friends? Someone who is about feeling emotionally happy and not drained, will choose his friends wisely. Does he or she smoke? How do you feel about it? Really seriously get deep down into it. Not kidding.
I have nothing against getting married at a young age however, Know and love thyself 100%. Not kidding you. If you have anything you need to cleanse, cleanse it. If you have any doubt or confusion in your life, get clear. Don’t marry someone because your life is getting worse and you think it will bring happiness. It wont at all. You need to be your own savior. Both need to be 100% whole on their core values. Find your life purpose and mission before marriage or at least know what brings you happiness. This person could treat you like gold but yet he/she could hate animals and hate being outside. Mean while you do. Really seriously know where you stand as far as life goes. What do you believe in? Do you have a lot of confusion and sadness all ready in your life. Sometimes we sacrifice our own happiness to make others happy. Both of you should be whole and be happy together. Grow emotionally with this person. Find someone who is proud of your success. Really seriously think about it. If you are having even just a little bit of doubt about this person, don’t jump into marriage. Just hold off no rush. I hope this helps someone out there. Thank you guys so much. Till next time.